wholly alone

The image that introversion often brings to mind is a lone person. Just one. Alone. With her own thoughts. And it’s true. Being an introvert means that I am generally very comfortable with just myself. I rarely feel the need to surround myself with people (by rarely, I mean never.) I keep my own counsel, often living in my own thoughts. But there are times when even an introvert needs people. When even the most private of beings longs for someone to listen to them, to hear them, to understand and help process their emotions and thoughts and dreams.

I’ve found myself in that position recently. What happens when you find yourself at odds with the one person you usually confer with? When the relationship with that person is the reason for your thoughts and emotions? Where do you go then?

As an INFJ, I really dislike sharing my struggles with other people. Not because I want to hide them. On the contrary, I am pretty transparent. Masks and smoke don’t serve a purpose to me. What keeps me from speaking is the fear that whomever I would be speaking to would feel that I am complaining. That I only focus on the negative and never the positive. But it’s the negative that I struggle to process. To understand. To handle.

It’s during these times that I find myself spending more time in prayer. Sharing those thoughts with the person with whom I know I can say anything and not be shrugged off or sneered at. Scripture tells us time and again to run to God, to “cast our cares upon Him”, to find rest in the shelter of His arms.

So that is where I will find my hope. He is where I will hide my face and ask for comfort. From whom I will seek counsel and encouragement.

I love that we are told that God is holding tightly to our right hand. That He will not allow us to fall. I just long for the day when I will physically feel His grip on mine. When I can physically bury my head in His arm. For now, I simply imagine how comforting that will be.


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